It was the middle of December 1995; I was a freshman at Whitney Young H.S. on the Westside of Chicago. I lived on the Southside which meant I had to take 2 trains to get to the other side of the city every day. I wasn’t alone in my travels though. My best friend from grammar school, RC, went to the same school. We took the trains together. When we would get to the end of the line, 95th St, we parted ways. I walked the 4 or 5 blocks home alone. There was a KFC and a Burger King on the last block of my daily trek. I frequented both of them, but on this particular day I decided to patronize Burger King. I ordered my usual and exited the store. As I crossed the parking lot, I passed a group of 4 boys. One of them called out to me since I had already passed them. I turned around and said “I’m not walking back so you can catch up“. He obliged. Then there was the usual banter of what’s your name, what school do you go to, etc. The exchange ended with us exchanging numbers. He was older than me, 20 to be exact. He called me that night and we talked for hours. We planned to see each other the next day.

The next day, I told my mother I was going ice skating downtown with RC. This was just a rouse as I was meeting him around the corner. We were supposed to go to the skating rink together. I left the house and he was right where he said he would be. He was in a gray 2 door Cutlass. We drove around to an area that was unfamiliar to me. We pulled up to a 3 flat apartment building and he parked the car. He said he would be right back. He had to run to his grandmother’s house for a moment.

I sat waiting in the car for what seemed like 15 or 20 minutes. He suddenly reappeared at the car. He opened the door and told me to come in for a second. I exited the vehicle and followed him inside. We walked up the stairs to the third floor. There were two apartment doors on both sides of the stair case. He knocked on one door and there was no answer. He turned as if he were getting ready to head down the stairs and threw me down. I tried to get up but he held me down with his body weight. I was squirming trying to get from underneath him but there wasn’t enough room. I was stuck between the wall and the banister. He held me by my neck with one hand and unfastened his pants with the other. Everything after that become a blur. He took from me something I could never get back, my virginity.

When he was done he jumped off me and said “c’mon, I’m gonna take you home”. I felt so low and dirty and ashamed. I walked back to the car staring at the ground. I wanted to run but I didn’t know where I was or how to get home. I got in the car and slumped down in the seat. The weight of everything that just happened hadn’t fully settled in yet. When we got back around my house, he dropped me off in the same place he picked me up. I walked the block home. When I got in the house, I immediately took a shower and went to bed. My mother didn’t have a clue what happened and I intended to keep it that way. I didn’t want a soul to know.

One month after the incident, my secret was still safely tucked inside of me. But things slowly started to change. I started sleeping more and was growing increasingly tired. I just thought I was getting sick and quickly dismissed it. Mom, on the other hand, did not dismiss this sudden change in my behavior. She began questioning my every step. There is truly nothing like a mother and her intuition. One day she asked me if I was pregnant and I quickly denied. Pregnant? No, I’m not pregnant! She handed me a pregnancy test and instructed me how to use it. Three minutes later it was confirmed. Yes, I was pregnant.

Again, my world came crashing down. I was 14 years old how could I be pregnant. I was a virgin! Well I was before it was stolen right out of my hands. My mother was livid so livid that her baby was not only having sex but also pregnant. She had done everything in her power to teach me about sex and having babies and diseases. But in her world, I completely ignored everything she said. She didn’t speak to me for an entire week. When she finally did talk to me I didn’t have the courage to tell her that as a result of me lying to her I was taken advantage of. She decided I was too young to be a mother. There was no way this was going to happen. I hadn’t even finished high school let alone got into college. The pregnancy was aborted shortly thereafter. I buried this entire incident in the deep dark recesses of my mind to never be talked about again. I hid the hurt, the pain, the embarrassment, and the shame.

Today, I am no longer quiet. I found healing through transparency. I have been able to be a shining light to other women and girls who have experienced similar situations. Unfortunately, this was not the end for me. I am a survivor of domestic violence and was married to an abusive controlling spouse. I survived it all. I am a stronger, wiser, better woman because of it. I released all anger, bitterness, and resentment for all the men who have wronged me in my life. Today my life is filled with peace, joy, and true happiness.

Senica Evans is an outspoken survivor, advocate, speaker and author. She has a wonderful website www.SennySen.com where she actively reaches out to survivors of domestic and sexual abuse. She recently released a book Married to Him, which is her story of overcoming a marriage filled with deceit, abuse, and infidelity to joy, peace, and deliverance. She also hosts a weekly Blog Talk Radio show entitled Let’s Chat Radio Show where she discusses all things pertaining to relationships from love to lust and romance to destruction.

“During my rough coming out my mom wasn’t treating me very well, so I started to become so desperate to get her to quit being such a royal snob to me I began talking to her friends over the phone when they’d call for her, just to get them to get her to quit it. I was 15 and desperate and didn’t know what else to do. One day it ended up being Fred I tried this with, as I tried this with about 3 or 4 friends, and Fred got me to open up to him about my gay troubles over the phone and he right away offered me work to do for filing and things, as he was a piano tuner. When I got there though, I was in his room, and he says to me “hey, want to get off?” he saw the look on my face and tossed it off as he was “being rude sorry”.

Earlier we had talked about massage though so he offered to give me a back rub. When I flipped over at some point he noticed I had an erection, which he put his hand on, and then put in his mouth after undoing my clothes. I was terrified. He was a 60 year old man and I was silent and was at a loss for words. I thought it was my own fault because of my erection and now I know that it wasn’t and that he used me. He continued to go down on me in the coming months, and I was so hurt and torn and confused, thinking I wanted it but knowing that it hurt me, but feeling like I wanted it anyway. I didn’t want to be home with mom and dad who were being very unreasonable at the time; even tricked me into going to an anti gay seminar, so this was my escape from them I felt I needed, which I was convinced I wanted, although it hurt me horribly to deal with it, but he fooled me into thinking he was my friend and that I wanted it. He also gave me hope that I had a place to stay when I was 18 as I believed my parents would probably kick me out; so I continued to be his friend despite my torn and horrible self loathing feelings.

It took me about 10 years to fully grasp it was not my fault. I told the police about it and it was an investigation for a while but ultimately it was too late and nothing would happen with it. He is on the streets today.”

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Please join PAVE in celebration of International Women’s Day! On March 8, 2012, PAVE will be hosting a wine gala to raise both awareness about sexual violence across the globe and support for PAVE’s wonderful programs. The Gala will be hosted at the Beverly Hills Country Club from 8pm-10pm with a special VIP Reception preceding the event at 7pm. Join us for wine, hors d’oeuvres and a silent auction full of wonderful surprises. There will be special performances and appearances by celebrity guests and PAVE supporters, Dr. Michelle Golland, Sarah Rice, Dr. Jenn Berman, Steve Connell and more!  For more information, please click the link to download the event flyer: Pave International Women’s Day Wine Gala

Please Click Here to Read the Letter of Support from The Women’s Sports Foundation, PAVE and several other wonderful organizations working to end sexual violence on college campuses.

PAVE  is looking for committed, energetic members who want to serve on our Board of Directors.

Service on our Board of Directors offers a tremendous opportunity to help mold our programs and strategies, the impact of which will be felt for many years.  Both experienced and first time board members are welcome. While we would certainly welcome individuals with great connections and/or professional skills, a PASSION for sexual and dating violence prevention is absolutely critical. Previous experience in nonprofit management, fundraising, violence prevention or intervention or is highly desired.

If you are interested in becoming a PAVE BOD member, please submit a letter of introduction and your resume to amanda@ShatteringTheSilence.org.

A PAVE Board Member:

1. Demonstrates an interest in and personal commitment to PAVE’s vision, mission and values.
2. Exercises duty of loyalty and due care in the management of PAVE’s fiscal affairs.
3. Serves as an ambassador, building relationships with potential supporters and donors in the community.
4. Attends all bi-monthly board meetings, board committee meetings, and required special events.
5. Makes a personal financial contribution at a level that is meaningful to them.
6. Actively participates in one or more fundraising activities.
7. Acts in the best interests of the organization, and excuses themselves from discussions and votes where they have a conflict of interest.
8. Stays informed about what’s going on in the organization. They will ask questions and request information. They will participate in and take responsibility for making decisions on issues, policies and other board matters, especially financial matters.
9. Works in good faith and communicate openly and honestly with staff and other board members as partners towards achievement of our goals.
10. Maintains roles and responsibilities with a high level of accountability and intentionality.
11. Makes a commitment to serve as a PAVE Board Member for a minimum of two years.
12. Adheres to and upholds the values of feminism and anti violence.
13. Adheres to the responsibilities for the board of directors as required by the Illinois Not For Profit Corporation Act of 1986 (805 ILCS 105 – attached).
14. Insures that PAVE functions in compliance with all relevant state and federal laws.

“SIOUX FALLS (AP) – It has taken Jolene Loetscher more than 15 years to come to terms with a rape she says she endured as a teenager in Nebraska, but according to state law at the time, she waited too long to seek punishment for the man she accuses of stealing her childhood in the back of the store where she worked.

While 23 states currently have no statute of limitations on some form of sexual assault, prosecutors in several states – including South Dakota, where Loetscher now lives – remain bound by laws that restrict the length of time they can charge someone for a sex crime.

In South Dakota, prosecutors can only charge a suspect in a rape case up to seven years after the crime was committed or until the victim is 25, whichever is longer.

Loetscher, now 33, hopes to change that with the help of her friend, South Dakota state Sen. Mark Johnston, who has introduced a bill in the state Senate that would eliminate the state’s statute of limitations for rape cases.” Please click this link to read the entire article from the Associated Press. If you are reading from South Dakota, please contact your state representative and voice your support for this bill.

You can Read the most recent draft of SB 68 here.

Shattering the Silence of Sexual Violence: A Multidisciplinary & Collaborative Approach

Click Here to Register Now

Col. Mike Edmansun invites you to join him and other criminal justice leaders from across Louisiana in this multidisciplinary training to address many of the complex issues and perspectives surrounding sexual violence. Due to feedback from last year, this training will have a focus on sex offenders, prevention and offender management.

Speakers include:

- Angela Rose, PAVE Executive Director & nationally acclaimed educator on sexual violence

- Niki Bird, PAVE Policy Director & national speaker, survivor and advocate

- James “Jimmy” Le Blanc, Secretary, LA Department  of Public Safety and Corrections

- Walter Leger III, LA Speaker Pro Tempore

- Col Mike Edmanson

Click Here to Download the Event Flyer